5 easy ways to support a friend during a divorce
You have a friend or family member who is separated or divorcing, and you want to show her she is loved and supported during this season. But how? You don’t want to say the wrong thing or cause any additional pain. Will mentioning the divorce make them sad? Do they even want to hear from me right now? A common statement I heard from friends at the end of my divorce was “I wanted to reach out but just didn’t know what to say”. And honestly, if you have not faced a similar situation, it is hard to know what your friend may need or desire during this season.
After interviewing several divorced women and through my own personal experience, I have made a list of 5 easy ways to show your friend support during a divorce or separation. This is not an all-inclusive list, but it is a great place to start. Also, do not be afraid to ask your friend what specific support they may need.
Listen to your friend, without judgement or opinion.
Your friend has tons of thoughts and emotions going through her mind during the process of divorce. She is morning the relationship that ended, trying to figure out how to live on one paycheck instead of two, worrying how this will affect her children and friendships, and dealing with the overall loss of what she thought her future would be. It’s not uncommon for her to fluctuate between uncontrollable crying and bouts of anger. She needs someone who will let her process all these emotions without inserting their judgement or opinion. Phrases like “I’m so sorry this is happening to you” and “Anytime you need to vent, I will listen” are comforting and kind to your friend, allowing her to know she has your support through this season.
Offer to help with laundry, babysitting, or household chores.
When your world has been turned upside down by divorce, you are keenly aware that the household duties that used to be done by two are now the overwhelming tasks for one. Things like mowing the lawn or folding laundry become exhausting for someone who is emotionally and physically tired from all the stress that comes with divorce. The duties of parenting are especially daunting during this season. Having a trusted friend or family member watch a mama’s children so she can take a nap or go to the grocery store alone is a huge blessing for her! Do not underestimate the impact of the small gestures of helping in household duties; they lighten the physical load for your friend and allow her to work on healing.
Bring food or a food gift card.
How difficult is it to decide what is for dinner in your household? During divorce, many women do not have the energy (or appetite) to decide what to have for dinner, much less actually cook. They often have children who need to be fed, and they also need nourishment. It helps your friend to drop off dinner or provide a restaurant gift card. My friends and family gave me Door Dash and Uber Eats gift cards, so I could order what worked best for my family and have it delivered. It was a win-win for both of us; my kids and I had food and my friends who did not feel comfortable cooking did not have to, but still filled a need for our family.
Continue to engage and invite them out or over.
Going from married to single status is a difficult life adjustment. What you once did as a couple is now solo, which feels especially uncomfortable in the groups you were part of as a married couple. If your friend is even in the mood for social activities, she may feel like the third wheel or out of place in old settings. It is awkward for friends as well, trying to adjust to a new dynamic in your relationship. One of the best ways to show your friend you care is to continue to invite them to social events, even with the awkwardness. Being invited to birthday parties and social occasions tells your friend that you want them in your life, no matter what their relationship status is. One caveat, you must understand that she may not have the emotional energy at that moment to go, or she may change her mind at the last minute. Do not take it personally. This is part of the process and having those friends who continue to engage with her will help aid in her healing journey.
Support her with an encouraging gift.
Our motto at Finding My Better Life is when you don't know what to say, gift the right words of encouragement and support. We believe that gifts of meaning show your friend how important she is to you and are a physical object she can carry with her to remind her that she is loved and valued. Gifts like the Wildflower Journal and Pen Set where she can journal about her emotions around the divorce. Or the Be Brave Bar Necklace, that encourages her to keep doing the hard things and continue healing. An equally wonderful way to support a friend is to care for her children. That is why we have a Kids Collection line of products that also helps kids navigate the changes of divorce. Check out our website for all the products designed to support women and their children through their healing journey.
I hope this list gives ideas and suggestions about ways to encourage and support friends or family members during a divorce or separation. If you have any additional ideas or comments, feel free to leave them in the comment section below!